Did you say it?

By: Yameng Zhang


Communication might be the first thing we learned when we were kids, as we grow up, communication becomes harder and harder. When we were kids, we cry so that people know we were hungry, sad or hurt; we laugh because we were happy and it meant we liked it.  As grown-ups, only cowards cry, and smiling or laughing may have nothing to do with "yes" or happiness.

As things turned complex, there's no way to turn it back to simple anymore. We research and analyze contexts to learn speaking appropriately, because what we say defines who we are.

We ask, so we can have a chance to get what we needs. "I am having a bad cold, do you mind if I don't wear working attire?" "I am trying to concentrate, can you stop spinning your pen?" "I'm waiting for an important phone call, can I turn on my phone?" "I like Blue man group, can I go talk to them about advertising?" Things can be simple, but at most of the time, we make it complicated. In workplaces, as long as it won’t break principles, it is better to say it clearly, otherwise, you may need to be tolerant, make up a lie, pretend to be cool and mess up everything else to make yourself an easy-going, open-minded, nothing-matters person.

We all have rules, we draw lines so we know when it's time to stop. When you have to working alone, it is always right to say "no" to your friends' company. When you deserve a better job, it is time to say "no" to the old one. When you know it is wrong, say "no" so everyone can see what you've got. Nodding and smiling may mean being polite when you're listening, but expressing yourself is what is expected after others are done talking. If you don't want your rules to be broken, say "no" before anything goes across the line.

We say words and do things accordingly. In interviews, we are supposed to present the best part of ourselves and what we have to offer, and then the employers would expect you to be as good as you said you were. However, if you bragged too much about your greatness, you may disappoint others no matter how hard you tried. Therefore, say what you did do in the past, promise what you can offer in deed, no exaggeration, no disguise and no shame to be who you really are.

As a kid, I wanted a bike but nobody gave me one, so I didn’t eat and cried a lot. That was how I got my bike. As I turned to an adult, I ask for things like class notes, a hand for lifting a chair from another table, anything bigger than that? I say "I want it", I fight for it, and I say "I got it". That's how it works.